Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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