smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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