i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
