the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
