I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
