is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
