my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
