the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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