i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
