my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
