Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
