piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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