Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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