please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
