You smell like a Billy Joel song
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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