I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
