Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
