trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
In America we eat man semen.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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