Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
