I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
