I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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