did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize