She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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