3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
