Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
