i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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