I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
