I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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