Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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