Nicole vs. Life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
