How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
