I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
