he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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