no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
