There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
