So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
