I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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