As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
