Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
