Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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