the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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