You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
