Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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