hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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