I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
