i don't like sucking hair
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
this hospital has no fireball
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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