2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
More tranny stories later!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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