tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When are your genitals available?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
