He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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