My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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