i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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