all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
