omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
