i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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