ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
