possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
