My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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