It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake