Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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