Pappa wants mamma naked
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD