she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?