i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
