Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
