Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low