this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks