I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night