I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!