I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
