We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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