; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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