Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
