I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
