So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
