Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
