I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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