my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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