we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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