Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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