I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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