If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
